It happened three years ago at the BET Awards, and it’s happening again now–Chris Brown is clutching Michael Jackson’s glittery glove in hopes of pulling his career out of the gutter. In 2010, he tugged at heartstrings with a chilling, Oscar-worthy MJ tribute that proved he was not this unhinged, heartless monster the media had painted him out to be. This sign of faux remorse didn’t have a lasting effect, thanks to a series of petulant tantrums and moronic incidents dating up to last month.
However, with the help of his MJ-inspired new single, “Fine China,” Chris hopes to usher his way back into the media’s good graces…again. His tactic seems to be quite effective, too–the single is being received well by listeners and reviewers, and bloggers are applauding Chris for “maintaining his cool” during a series of promotional interviews, as if that isn’t expected of a 23-year-old man.
Gullible onlookers are praising His holy name for finally resurrecting that bright-eyed, pre-2009 Chris Brown they’ve been longing for. Chris is aware of this, too. All it took for him to redeem this naïve audience are less processed vocals on an MJ B-side and a cheesy, “You Rock My World”/”Smooth Criminal”-esque video (I’d say he copied and pasted this from Justin Timberlake’s 10 Ways To Have a Flourishing Music Career in 2013, but why beat a dead horse?). So what if a few unpleasant notes are scattered throughout the imitation? Anything is better than the auto tune-drenched, aurally piercing songs he has been releasing lately.
Allegedly, Chris’ ex, Karrueche Tran, is the motivation behind “Fine China.” After watching the video, it’s plausible. Despite witnessing Chris singlehandedly beat up a group of Triad goons, the leading girl, who happens to be Asian, believed him when he said, “I’m not dangerous,” so she stuck by the ”thug.” Or is that Rihanna’s story? I don’t know…
The song itself is pretty catchy and reminiscent to his older records, which is both good and bad. Evidently, the “Don’t Wake Me Up, up, up, up, up, up, up” singer knows the music he recorded when he was 15-17 is much more substantial than his more recent work. Retracting to his earlier musical formula seems like a refuge tactic, though, as opposed to an artistically progressive endeavor.
See: Chris Brown Previews New Songs From X Album
Aside from sharpening the blur of his music career, Chris is also trying to convince the public that he is indeed sane, contrary to what the writers of that Law & Order: SVU episode care to believe. A simple Twitter search shows that he claimed victory here, too, which only highlights humanity’s lack of discernment.
Chris told Matt Lauer of Today that it took 52 weeks of court-mandated counseling to learn that beating Rihanna was “absolutely wrong.” No comment. He then laughed when saying he’s “absolutely” sure he will never beat her to a bloody pulp again. Yeah, that screams, “I’m sane and changed.”
The fidgeting singer told Angie Martinez that God made him go through the “obstacle [with Rihanna]” to make him humble. Whereas this or this would have been my reaction, Angie told him that his speech was “phenomenal” and “great.” This comfortable coddling from substandard interviewers is why Chris refuses to face the beast–Oprah, who only bows to the Preeminent Mistress of the Universe.
The Big O should consider this a blessing, though. As fabricated as the ‘SVU’ episode was, it did boast two poignant truths:
One, “Caleb Bryant” is bat-sh*t crazy. If Robin Roberts prompted a friendly game of “Catch That Chair” between Chris and a window, Oprah might prompt a game of “Punch-Out” with his fist and her face. I’m being facetious…no I’m not.
Two, the public cares more about Rihanna than Rihanna does herself. Admittedly, I too was apart of the “Save the Bajan Goddess” coalition. However, I eventually took heed to Project Pat’s gospel and realized a “Love Without Tragedy” sequel is insuppressible.
I watched the episode with one eye on the TV and the other on Chris’ Twitter feed, so I’m not sure if they elaborated on his charming appeal to imprudent spectators. If they did, make that three truths.
Catch up with all things Chris below.
“Fine China” Music Video
Today: On being a changed man and reconciling with Rihanna.
Angie Martinez: On Rihanna and Karrueche, beefing with Drake and Frank Ocean, turning down an Oprah interview and more.
Sway & Simmer: On calling Drake gay and “Started From the Bottom” rap.
“R.I.P” Remix: “And if you started from the bottom gon’ and come out the closet”
The Breakfast Club: On not caring about backlash because he’s rich, Justin Bieber spiraling out of control, doing press again, looking like a crackhead and much more.