After eleven fun-filled episodes of dreadful auditions, undeserved eliminations and One Direction commercials, X Factor enters the live rounds. Unfortunately, the two-hour episode was quite possibly the worst of any singing competition…ever. Instead of being left in awe by the contestants, viewers were frantically reaching for brain bleach. The contestants (the ones that matter) were stripped of their natural talent and manufactured into the most generic acts. It was like watching Rihanna’s career in fast-forward.
The judges: Star-crossed lovers Simon and L.A. Reid bickered the entire night; someone in Britney Spears’ ear transmitter told her to say “amazing” every other sentence; and Demi Lovato may be a burgeoning ageist.
The hosts: For years, the Kardashians have been condemned for not boasting any “real talent.” Khloe made that assertion all the more credible. Mario Lopez’s aesthetics make him the quintessential candidate to host a show like X Factor. However, his cheesy and sometimes creepy smile and scripted interchange made him as memorable as Steve Jones. Remember him? Didn’t think so.
The Young Adults (Mentored by Demi): Paige Thomas launched the live rounds. Demi, her mentor, quickly pointed out that she doesn’t have the best voice, but she has the looks. To compensate for her weak vocals, the set designers dressed her in a Grace Jones/Lady Gaga-inspired costume. The only thing memorable from her Rihanna-esque performance of Haddaway’s “What Is Love?” was the spiked headpiece. , which covered her newly shaved haircut.
Demi stripped Jennel Garcia of her innocent style and basically made her a carbon copy of herself. Vocally, Jennel’s performance of Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home” was possibly the best of the night; however, her newly straightened hair and costume-like rock star garments were major distractors.
Undoubtedly, Willie Jones is the most unique contestant in the competition. How many country-singing black guys with high-top fades do you know? Alas, Demi’s poor mentoring skills turned the simple guy into a profuse pimp. If you didn’t think Gretchen Wilson’s “Here for the Party” could get more redundant, wait until you hear Willie’s interpretation.
If you thought CeCe Frey couldn’t get any more annoying, wait until you see her butcher Patti Smith’s “Because the Night.” She did it dressed as Ke$ha (blond hair included). CeCe, unlike many of the other contestants, came across quite obnoxious early in the competition, and she’s diligently trying to clean up her act. I don’t know if her effort will go rewarded.
The Teens (mentored by Britney): Arin Ray is a young, multi-talented performer, but under the tutelage of Britney Spears, he’s just as mechanical as her. His modern spin on the Supreme’s “Keep Me Hanging On” was quite bizarre and nearly inaudible. Why were the smoke cannons so loud?
Britney doesn’t have the insight to mentor a rock. How do you take a blossoming talent like Diamond White and lessen her to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Cher Lloyd Edition? Watching her perform Train’s “Hey Soul Sister” was outright painful.
Beatrice Miller was another contestant that showed extreme promise as a singer. But with Robotney steering her direction, said promise is unrecognizable. Whoever styled her (from the crimpled hair to the odd wardrobe) should be fired. Despite the obvious setback, I think Jason Mraz would be proud of her rendition of “I Won’t Give Up.”
Sigh… Can we terminate Britney Spears in the middle of the season? She’s clearly in over her head. Why have someone like Carly Rose Sonenclair perform Flo Rida’s “Good Feeling”? And where does the schoolgirl outfit tie in? It’s like X Factor’s producers are out to sabotage these contestants.
The Over-25s (Mentored by LA): Frankly, none of them should be in the final 16, and that’s all I have to say.
The Groups (Mentored by Simon): Sister C reprised their upsetting rendition of Pistol Annies’ “Heel on Heels” for the umpteenth time. It’s amazing (in my Britney voice) that these three beautiful ladies can be so irritating.
Lyric145 performed Psy’s “Gangnam Style” dressed like MC Hammer. There was no way they could salvage the performance. Note that Simon is responsible for the song choice.
Like Little Mix (formerly known as Rhythmix), LYLAS was forced to change their name due to legalities. Unlike Little Mix, they failed to come up with a memorable moniker. Under the advisement of Simon, the girls change their band’s name to 1432. I don’t know either. They reintroduced themselves with one of the corniest songs released
this year of all time, Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together.” It was decent at best.
Emblem3, commonly referred to as Diet Limp Bizkit, is comprised of three douche bags that managed to deliver the best performance of the night. They ended the night with Matisyahu’s “One Day.” Their cocky demeanor left both Simon and Demi wet in the pants (for different reasons, of course).
RECAP: Episode 11